


Cold War Blues

by gailthulu



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: But it's there, Cold War, F/M, Historical Hetalia, because i write these at like 3 am, it's basically about berlin after wwii, it's short, there might be some inaccuracies, there's senstive stuff in chapter 4, this is very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-11-02 09:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20699123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gailthulu/pseuds/gailthulu
Summary: Life has not been great for the city of Berlin, with what, being part of one of the largest kingdoms in Western Europe, to being the capital of the most hated country of the 1940s. And then, after all is said and done, she's split in two. Guilt by association was a bitch to deal with. What was even harder to deal with was the fact that she had to deal with the world's largest superpowers fighting over her for the better part of 40 years, and it's really starting to get on her nerves.(This is a really self-indulgent thing, it's basically just something I wanted to write for myself, but also share at the same time, idk. oh, there's a trigger warning for the fourth chapter, it has to do with r*pe and sexual assault, so if you want to go ahead and skip that one, it's not too integral to the overall story. Just some added context, is all.)





	1. 1945: Das Ende

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my really self-indulgent OC fic that I was bound to write one of these days! This is basically the story of Berlin, my lovely girl Elyse, during the cold war and dealing with the whole communism thing while also pining really hard for America. It's a whole thing. Anyway, if you actually read this, please enjoy and let me know what you think!

The war was over and I was about ready to collapse. Who knew six years of war could beat a person down this badly? I mean, we’ve been through this once before, and we even survived a devastating market crash almost twenty years ago. But, I guess being bombed relentlessly for three years straight could wreak absolute havoc on the immune system.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Elyse Beilschmidt, otherwise known as the capital city of Berlin, Germany. The year is 1945 and what was dubbed as World War II had ended in April. It was about two weeks into August and I was still trying to pick up the pieces of my sanity that had scattered years ago. Only right now I was sitting in a stuffy room with the Allied powers who were arguing over what to do with my brothers and me.

They were splitting the country into four pieces, one for each of them. China was dealing with Japan and I don’t think they’ve gotten to Italy just yet. I think he’ll be fine, comparatively. While his leader might have been a fascist and killed several people, our war crimes and crimes against humanity were far more… disgusting.

Ludwig was technically three pieces, now. Gilbert’s representation status was changed, as he was now East Germany, that part being taken by Russia. Gott in Himmel, protect that poor man. 

As for me, well, that’s to be determined. Seeing as I’m the sole hub for the government and apparently right in the middle of Soviet territory, it’s been a bit tricky to plan around me.

“The obvious thing to do is to just have her report to all of us, seeing as she’s already got government infrastructure there. That way we don’t have to set up camp elsewhere,” Arthur said, his English accent really shining through. And really pissing me off. Arschloch.

I may or may not still be mad at him for almost literally beating a dead horse. How many times did one have to bomb an already crumbling city before it’s had enough? Once, I get. Twice, that’s fair. But several times over three years? Absolutely overkill.

“For once, I agree with the limey bastard,” Francis surprisingly chimed in. “I mean, it makes sense. Less work on our part.”

Ja, but more work on mine, I lamented inwardly. I guess the expression was clear on my face because I got a look of pity from Alfred. It didn’t do much for me considering he, along with Ivan, was racing to see who could catch me the fastest, only to meet in the middle and then worked together to cuff me like a criminal– oh wait.

I guess he felt bad. Not only did I have to report to everyone else, but I also had to report to Ivan, who the American was beginning to mistrust severely. Not that I blamed him, Ivan had been doing some shady things ever since this whole communism thing started. He seemed like a nice enough man, but his government was turning him into a childlike weasel.

Once the meeting was over, I decided to make my quick escape so that I could breathe. Being in that room with those men was starting to get a little overwhelming. Ludwig still had some things to discuss with the people who would be overseeing the rebuilding of our country. I should have been doing the same thing, I couldn’t stand another minute in that room. After I had sufficiently gathered myself, I made an effort to get out of the meeting hall before the clearing of a throat caught me. Verdammt.

Looking back, it was none other than Alfred. Great.

“You sure made a hasty exit, little lady. I’m sure you wanna know about reconstruction, right?” he asked, making his way over to me.

“Not as bad as I want to get out of here,” I answered, trying to keep myself composed. “I don’t really have much of a say right now, so, I’m just going to sit back and let the men do all the work.”

For as dumb as this man was from time to time, he sure picked up on some things I didn’t think he’d pick up on. “Look, I know it’s gotta be shitty having to answer to all four of us at once, but you’ll make it out of this in one piece.”

I let out a breath through my nose that was supposed to be a replacement for a wry laugh. “You seem hopeful for a man who’s only ever actually fought wars he won, one of which was with himself,” I teased. He pouted.

“Hey, give me some credit, I technically had to answer to two governments on that one-- even if I was on the side of the Union,” he defended.

This time I actually laughed but covered my mouth so that the others didn’t hear. The walls were somewhat thin. “Ach, you’re so young… You’ll eventually know the toll that war actually takes when you lose. It’s not pretty.”

There was a thoughtful look on his face, almost as if he was trying to think of whether or not he’s actually lost any wars. He raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Yeah, I guess we’ll have to see about that.”

My lips pressed into a line, not sure what to say next before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m going to head out now. You probably have more stuff to talk about with my brother considering he’s the important one here. I’ll definitely be seeing you around, though.”

With that, I was out the door, only to be caught again, only this time by the hand.

“Wait… I’ll catch him later. I… do you want to get a drink with me? Maybe loosen up the tensions a little bit?” he asked, practically begged even.

How cute.

Looking up in thought, I looked back to his pleading face. Why did he have to look at me like that? Hanging my head in defeat I nodded.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go get a drink with you, but only one or two, okay?” I still had a lot of work to do the next day and I really didn’t want to have to do that with a throbbing headache.

The American’s face seemed to light up and I practically melted on the inside. Gottverdammt. Why did he have to look so cute?

And so, the two of us headed to a local pub, nothing too fancy. I broke my only rule for the night and had a little more than two drinks. I guess I was feeling extra pitiful. 

What had ended up in a night in Alfred’s hotel room was the beginning of an odd partnership. One that I didn’t know the outcome of, which scared me. A lot. But only time would tell how well it would work out.


	2. 1947: Die Luftbrüke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Soviets decided to deny entry into Berlin in a blockade, Alfred had to find another way to help out the girl he held so fondly. That and he didn't want the Ruskie to have control over all of her, which was the excuse he was using. So, with no time to spare, instead of going through, they were going over in what was to be named "Operation Vittle". It was risky, but it had to work.

Two years after the war had ended and my city was still in shambles, which was understandable. The allies started helping the country and my city out with reconstruction and supplies, as per usual when it came to post-war. It was going well for the first few months, food and supplies were getting to my people who were living off of cigarettes and bread, hell, even I skipped meals in favor of a cigarette or two. I even got a little bit thinner than I should have been. 

What little progress that had been made came to a halt, however, when that communist son of a bitch decided to put up a blockade around my border, rendering any progress that was being made was basically for naught. How was I going to feed my people? How were we going to keep going? We had roughly 36 days worth of food left, and 45 days worth of coal before we were pretty much done for. 

Hearing a knock at my door, I sighed heavily and went to answer it, revealing it to be Alfred. I was pleasantly surprised, but I guess he had some news for me or something. I let him in and closed the door. “So what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked.

“We’ve figured out a way to keep supplying you guys,” Alfred said with a triumphant grin.

“Please do fill me in, Herr Jones,” I said, folding my arms across my chest, curious as to what hairbrained scheme he and the other’s came up with.

“Okay, so, instead of going through by truck– which we can’t do right now– we’re gonna fly over. The Soviets can’t shoot us down because that would mean having another war, and neither of us are equipped for that just yet. So, we’ll keep sending supplies until they give up and stop the blockade,” he explained. 

It was genius, actually.

I nodded after a bit of thought. “That should work… but do you think you have enough manpower for that?” I asked. 

Alfred looked up in thought before shrugging. “This is the plan we’ve got for now, it’s either that your you guys starve out. But we’re not going to let that happen, because letting the Soviets win isn’t really on my to-do list.”

“Okay,” I said. It was going to take a lot for me to say what I was about to say, considering this man was one of the men who held me down at the Elbe river while his men were shaking hands with the Soviets. This was also the man that was softest on me during my… rezoning, so to speak. “I trust you.”

Alfred nodded, the grin on his face never leaving. He had a bag in his hand that he set down on the table, it was somewhat large, so at first, I just thought it was a suitcase. “I also brought you a little taste of what’ll be comin’ down. I figured you hadn’t been eating properly, so I brought some stuff to hold you over until we could actually start the operation.”

I let a small smile slide onto my face. “Thank you, Alfred. That means a lot to me.” 

He didn’t have to do that. At least not for me. My people were suffering more than I was at this stage of the game. That being said, I was definitely cooking for some of the people in my building tonight with this, just to make sure I’m not the only one getting fed.

“I should probably get going, though. I’ve got a lot of shit on my plate now. I’ll see you with the first airlift, El,” he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead gently before heading out.

I could feel my face heat up. Damn him.

____________________________________

The operation started shortly after, but it wasn’t going as well as we would have hoped. While supplies were getting through, it was rough getting them out and we kept having to patch the runway after every flight. There weren’t nearly enough supplies to keep us going, but the fact that this was even happening at all was a miracle. I just wished that there was more to keep my people safe.

Alfred was on the next flight that came in, helping us out with supplies before telling the pilot that he’d catch the next one, which confused me. As he approached me, my gloved hands settled on my hips as I looked up at him. “I’ve got an announcement for you that I think you’re gonna like,” he said with a grin.

My eyebrows rose, “Really now? Does this have to be in private or can we do it right here?” I asked.

He thought for a second before shrugging. “I guess it doesn’t really matter! So I’ll just go ahead and tell ya. Truman’s got a guy that’s gonna implement a new plan of action with this whole airlift thing,” he started. “So basically, there’s gonna be a plane landing every 30 minutes, that means we’re gonna need to hire as many of your people as we possibly can to get everything out of those cargo holds before the next plane lands. It’s gonna be hard, but this way we’ll get more than enough to you guys to keep ya goin’. Sound good?”

Thinking it over in my head for a few seconds, the logistics seemed to work out. I nodded in agreement. “Sounds good. Thank you for letting me know. I’ll go ask my ground crew and my Luftwaffe brigade if they’d be willing to help as well,” I said, a small smile settling on my lips.

This seemed to excite the American. “Hell yeah!” he cheered. I laughed for the first time in months.

After gathering as many people as possible, and the English even getting involved (even though I was still mad at him. I’m appreciative, though), the airlift was a resounding success– for the most part. There were some unfortunate casualties and setbacks here and there, but other than that, it seemed to work fine.

And then winter came.

____________________________________

“Are we going to stop the airlift for the winter?” I asked when Alfred came in on an early November flight.

He shook his head. “We can’t. That’s what Stalin wants and we cannot, under any circumstances, let him think the winter has stopped us,” he answered.

“It’s going to be dangerous. Depending on the year, fog hits rather hard,” I warned him, unsure of how well that was going to work out for them.

Alfred shrugged it off. “What happens, happens. We’ve gotta keep pushing through.”

I let out a sigh and conceded. “Okay. I trust you.”

This brought a smile to his face as if he was recalling the last time I said that to him. Before we had time to break, he perked up as if he’d remembered something important.

“I almost forgot!” he exclaimed and searched his pockets, he let out an ‘aha’ when he found it in one of his pockets. “I know it’s a little early, but I don’t think I’m gonna be makin’ it onto one of the December flights,” he admitted sheepishly before handing me a small box that was wrapped crudely.

I laughed softly at his admission, looking at the little box before putting it in my pocket. “I’ll open it when it gets closer to Christmas, how about that?” I suggested.

“That works! Just call me when you do, I wanna know your reaction to it,” he said with a grin. 

“Jahwol, Herr Jones!” I fake saluted him and he chuckled. “Thank you, though. Seriously. It means a lot to me that you thought of me enough to give me a gift.”

That just meant I’d have to send him one when I could. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I’d probably make him something.

“Don’t worry about it, Elyse. I figure with all the shit that’s gone down in the past two years, you needed something good to happen,” Alfred waved it off as nothing.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Okay, okay. The next plane should be landing soon, we should probably get ready for that.”

He nodded and the two of us got back to work. 

____________________________________

The next few months were brutal. Planes crashed into one another, into the mountains, it was hard to see in the snow, and plane engines were iced over most of the time. Around Christmas, the loads got a little heavier, as people from the allied countries were donating food from their homes. I thought that was very sweet of them. 

On Christmas Eve, I was at home doing paperwork when suddenly I remembered the little box Alfred had given me a month prior. It had been sitting in my coat pocket this entire time and I had forgotten to take it out. Opening it, and taking the contents out, it was a necklace with a little bear-shaped pendant. I smiled and put it on immediately. Now it made sense as to why he asked what my favorite animal was forever ago.

Looking at my phone, I decided to actually give Alfred a call. It rang for a bit before he finally picked up. “Hello? This is Alfred Jones speaking, who’s this?”

“Hey, Alfred, it’s me, Elyse. I figured I’d call to wish you a Frohe Weihnachten a little early and thank you for your gift,” I spoke into the receiver, fiddling with the necklace already as I was prone to do with most of my jewelry.

“A fro-a what now?” He asked, sounding absolutely confused.

I laughed softly. “Merry Christmas,” I translated.

“Ohhh, yeah that makes sense,” he chuckled sheepishly. “And uh, you’re welcome! I figured I’d get you something nice. I know it’s been tough on you.”

I really didn’t feel like I deserved it, but I was grateful anyway. “Thank you for the consideration, Alfred. Oh– another thing, you should be getting a package from me soon. I meant to send it a little earlier, but I’ve been rather busy trying to deal with all this airlift business,” I admitted with a soft sigh.

“What, really? Seriously, El, you didn’t have to do that,” Alfred said, a hint of surprise in his voice.

“But I did, and you can’t do anything about it,” I teased. “Anyway, I better turn in. I’m having Christmas with the family next door at their request, so I have to be up early to help the lady of the house with food.”

“Aw, that’s sweet. Well, it was nice hearing from you again. When the weather gets a little better I’ll be on the first plane over. Merry Christmas, El,” Alfred said.

The smile on my face throughout the phone call only widened. “Frohe Weihnachten, Alfred,” I said in return, causing him to chuckle and we finally hung up.


	3. 1948: Betrieb 'Kleinevittles'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The actions are sweeter than the candy, at this point. As a morale booster, operation 'little vittles' is put in action because a man felt bad for the children of Berlin, and Alfred wanted to make a move on Berlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just a little calm before the storm, I guess. I thought it'd be cute.

It was the summer of 1948, things were going a lot smoother with the airlift now that winter had long since passed and there weren’t a lot of obstacles other than the occasional screw up here and there due to human error. Alfred was really happy with how well this was going, and getting to see the smile on Elyse’s face every time he dropped by was more than enough to keep him going.

Sometime in the middle of July, one of his Lieutenants was making unauthorized drops, which he didn’t understand at first until he noticed the kids that would come watch the airlift in progress when they had nothing better to do. The man was dropping candy for them.

While candy wasn’t really on the list of necessities that they were bringing in, morale definitely needed to be boosted, and what better way to do that than with a sweet treat?

Without much thought, he learned the name of the Lieutenant that was making the drops and quickly called the man in charge of the airlift and tipped him off to what was happening. Lt. General Tunner loved the idea, so much in fact that he ordered it to be expanded upon.

The middle of September came around pretty quickly and “Operation Little Vittles” was soon to be underway. To surprise Elyse, he didn’t tell her that he was coming in on this one, having a little bundle just for her at the ready when he landed.

Elyse was mainly busy with the ground crew to notice what was going on, making sure her people were okay and helping them out as much as possible. Taking a break from lifting things out of an airplane every half-hour on the half-hour, Elyse stood off to the side and watched, only for her vision to be impaired by a pair of hands.

“Guess who,” Alfred teased, grinning like an idiot.

“I guess a silly American man who needs to learn how to properly greet people?” she said, turning to him with the smile he loved so much.

“Damn it– can’t get anything past you, can I?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Nein,” she said, grinning triumphantly. “Anyway, what the hell are you doing here, Jones? Was there an update or something on the airlift?”

“You could say that, yeah,” he nodded, slipping off the bag he’d decided to use as a vessel for the candy bundle, producing a little handkerchief with little teddy bears printed on it from one of the nice women helping out with the mini-operation they were doing.

“What’s in this?” she asked as it was handed to her.

“Just open it up, you’ll see,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement.

Elyse looked up at him with some suspicion before taking a peek into the bundle and gasping, looking up at Alfred with a look of surprise.

“Alfred! You seriously didn’t have to do this for me,” she said, opening it up a little further to see what all was inside. “What’s all this for?”

“Operation ‘Little Vittles’. One of my pilots felt bad for the kiddos and decided to do some candy drops earlier this summer and I thought it’d be a nice little morale booster if we maybe… expanded it a bit,” Alfred answered with a shrug, keeping a grin at bay.

The look on her face made Alfred absolutely melt, a mixture of excitement, joy, and something else he couldn’t quite pin down, but he didn’t get much of a chance to figure it out before he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Danke dir sehr viel,” she said, releasing him after a short pause. “Thank you so much. I swear you’re spoiling me! I don’t deserve all this.”

Alfred just shrugged. “I think you do. Call me an optimist, but I know for a fact that you were against everything that war stood for, El. Don’t beat yourself up over it– enjoy the moment, will ya?”

She let out a soft breath out of her nose to symbolize a laugh, shaking her head. “Alfred F. Jones, you’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” she said, reaching up and kissing him on the cheek gently.

Alfred had to hold back a blush. Ever since that night in ‘45, he’d been a little confused on what their relationship was. She never refused his advances but at the same time she never made any either, so this was a first for them.

“Well, Elyse Beilschmidt, I could say the same about you,” he said with a grin to smooth out his falter. “Gosh, your last name is a mouthful.”

Elyse laughed, rolling her eyes at him in a good-natured fashion. “Alright, alright, I’ve got to get back to doing important things. You probably should too. Aren’t you also supplying Israel?”

“But what if I want to stay here? Hm?” he challenged.

She rolled her eyes again. “Oh, you saukerl. Get out of here. I’ll see you later, okay?” she said, patting him on the chest before making an about-face and walking off.

Alfred watched her go with a small smile on his face. He feared he was beginning to love this woman.


	4. 1961: Wände

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To stop the eventual brain drain of Eastern Berlin, Stalin ordered plans for a wall to be placed along the border between the two territories, essentially splitting Elyse in two. Ivan, having been severely manipulated by his leaders and not exactly in the nicest of headspaces, takes his anger out on the poor capital after finding out that she had been handing secrets over to the enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a final warning to those who are sensitive to things like r*pe and sexual assault that while it's not explicitly written out, that it is a big theme in this tiny chapter so if you're uncomfy with that, please take caution in reading this!
> 
> So, I normally don't condone the villainization of Russia (the character) but it better suits the story and tbh, I feel like he would have done some shitty shit in the soviet days, maybe less so as the years went by. Anyway, yeah, Russia's gonna be an asshole in this and I'm sorry for that.

White-hot, searing pain tore through my body. He wasn’t going to stop until he knew I was broken, inside and out. The bruises he was leaving would heal, but what was happening was something that would never heal.

Ivan was building a wall, the plans of which were slowly but surely being etched into my back as construction carried on and with every slab of concrete placed, another scorching mark made its way up my spine. Thinking about it made my fresh scars burn along with whatever the hell Ivan was doing to me. 

I was mentally in and out of the moment all at once, the pain was excruciating to the point where I think I might have blacked out at some point, but I don’t remember and honestly? I think it would be best if I didn’t.

“Clean yourself up, get dressed, and get out of my sight. I don’t want to see you until I call you next,” he ordered once he was finished, zipping himself up and straightening out his own clothing before leaving the room.

Once he was gone, I felt tears involuntarily streaking my face, as I finally let everything catch up with me. The past few days had been absolutely awful.

It started when I started feeding Alfred information about what the Soviets were doing. I wrote down notes during meetings, got copies of the tapes from the wiretapping Ivan had been doing, anything with sensitive information that hadn’t been blacked out, I sent to him as discreetly as I could. Half of me was still free, so I used the international post in the Allied half of my city to get things to him.

It had been going smoothly for a while until the day Ivan followed me. I guess he had heard that there was a mole, so to speak, among their ranks and suspected me. I had been a pain in his side since day one and I guess he wanted to single me out.

After an interrogation that went around in circles, Ivan finally had enough and tried grabbing me, which resulted in me biting his hand and running, but in the end, he finally caught me.

From the pitying look on the face of a particular Lithuanian when I was angrily brought into Ivan's home, I could tell this wasn't going to end well for me. And from the numbness I was feeling in my current state, I'm not so happy to report that it did not, in fact, end well for me.

I gathered myself, made sure it looked like nothing happened, and made my way out so I could go home and drink until I passed out, not wanting to see the scene of what just happened over and over again like I was in that moment.

This was the first incident that would lead to two more decades of incidents.


	5. 1963: Ich bin ein Berliner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always a ray of sunshine in the darkness, and that ray of sunshine came in the form of President John F. Kennedy for our poor Elyse. She got one day of freedom and it was well spent, it gave her hope and something to hold onto. But, things don't always go as planned.

"Ivan, we have rules as personifications. Just because you're a controlling Arschloch doesn't mean I can't do my job right. I have to go to the west side to greet the American president," I argued.

I'd been at this for two hours. Ivan was stubborn, but as he knew, so was I. He thought he broke me, but all he really did was fire me up more. Alfred called me about a visit to the west side, because his president, Mr. John F. Kennedy, disagreed highly with the wall dividing Berlin, and the iron curtain that the USSR had formed to the rest of Europe. The man was ideologically sound, and probably the nicest man I've ever had the pleasure of speaking to since my last phone call.

“That, and if you don’t, I’ll scale the wall myself and your guards will shoot me, and we all know what happens when a personification gets shot– or heaven forbid momentarily killed,” I said with a condescending grin.

Ivan let out a final sigh. He knew that I wasn’t going to let up. "Fine. But you are to return back here as soon as it's over with. Understand?"

"Ja ja, ich verstehe. Dasvidaniya," I said. Switching languages pretty quickly before making my way out of the room. It probably pissed him off, so I did it out of spite.

With permission to leave my hellhole for a millisecond in my neverending lifespan, I had more of a skip to my step. Right now it was all about the little victories and I was going to take them as they came. 

I was going to surprise Alfred with it, though, as I had told him in an earlier phone call that I didn’t know if I was going to be let out or not for this occasion, and if I’m honest he didn’t sound too hopeful. This whole situation has been hard on him too. He seemed really happy with President Kennedy, though, which made me indescribably excited for him.

Kennedy seemed to listen to his concerns more than his other presidents did, which is something I wish I had.

Shaking my head of the millions of thoughts in my probably still buzzed mind, I made my way to my shitty little flat that I honestly was barely in anymore to prepare for my small sliver of freedom for who knows how long.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The time finally came for me to cross the border that the wall made between me and half of my people. Alfred jokingly named the gate I was going through Checkpoint Charlie because it was “checkpoint C” on the map. He tried doing it to cheer me up but there was something more depressing about naming it. I tried not thinking about it, though, as I finally crossed into the free part of my city and smiled a bit. It had been two years, and while that wasn’t a long time for someone who couldn’t die, it felt like forever for me.

One of the allied leaders stationed in the west half came to escort me to the airport where we would be greeting the president and Alfred, leaving me feeling giddy with anticipation. It had been about a decade since I’d seen Al, as he almost immediately fell into conflict over in Korea after the airlift. 

The airport was crowded with people, and honestly, it was a little overwhelming to see the stark difference between the east and the west. It had only been two years since the wall went up, so for the west to be so bustling and not as destitute in that amount of time was absolutely shocking to me.

I was lifted from my thoughts when my escort nudged me a little bit, as we were heading out to greet the president from the plane. It was a bit windy, but that was nothing new for an airport. And it was hot, summer had just started. It didn’t help that I was nervous about all of this, which had me sweating more than I really wanted it to.

The plane door finally opened after they got the stairs into place, and I stood patiently and anxiously. The president and his wife walked out first. Mrs. Kennedy had always seemed like a delightful woman and this would actually be my first time interacting with her in any sort of capacity. Once they were off Alfred came down, his eyes widened a bit when he spotted me.

I couldn’t help but smile at his expression. In my last conversation with the president, I told him not to tell Alfred about me being there, so Kennedy knew very well that I was going to be over on the other side, but Alfred was completely in the dark about it. 

The man nearly sprinted over to me when I started walking to meet them halfway and I was immediately engulfed in a spinning hug that left me giggling. “Mr. Jones!” I cried out, my legs kicking slightly before he put me down.

“El, what in God’s name are you doing here?” he asked, looking down at me with surprise.

“I’m giving the President a proper welcome, of course,” I said with a triumphant grin. “I pulled some strings and raised some hell to get here, but how could I miss this?”

President Kennedy and his wife made their way over to us as we pulled away from one another. “What a cute little couple you two are,” Kennedy joked.

I had to do everything to keep heat from rising into my cheeks as I shook my head. “Ach, President Kennedy, we’re just really good friends,” I corrected. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

He nodded sagely. “Well, it’s good to finally meet you in person, Ms. Beilschmidt,” he said with a small smile.

“I could say the same to you, President Kennedy!”

“Oh, call me John, will ya?”

“Kein Problem, John.”

Alfred chuckled a bit at his. “Alright, well, we’ve gotta keep on schedule. Mind joining us for food? You probably know some good places, yeah?” he asked.

I looked up in thought and nodded. “Ja, I think I know of a place that’s perfect for the occasion,” I said, the corners of my mouth twitching upward.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The next few hours were actually nice. I got to talk more with the Kennedys and have them tease Alfred and me for being a cute couple despite not being a couple. Yet. Maybe? I don’t know.

It’s complicated.

“Miss Elyse?” Kennedy interrupted my thoughts.

“Ja?”

He took out some note cards that he had on him that were most likely his speech that he was going to be making later that night. “I need your opinion on something. I already asked your representatives and some other people, but I figured I’d ask the personification herself– How do you say ‘I am a citizen of Berlin’ in German?”

The question was very innocent, and he seemed so earnest when he said it I couldn’t help but smile. “Ich bin ein Berliner,” I said, slow enough for him to understand but also fast enough for him to get the idea.

He nodded. “Thought so. Would you mind writing down the pronunciation for me?”

“I’d love nothing more, Mr. President,” I said.

I took his notes and a pencil that he’d handed me and wrote down ‘ish bin ein bear-lee-ner’ on the card for him.

“There we go, all set. I’ll even say it with you a few times before you go up to the podium, how about that?” I offered, leaning my chin into my hand as I looked over to him.

Kennedy smiled in his own little way and nodded. “That sounds perfect, Miss Elyse, thank you very much– or how you say, uh, danke schön.”

I let out a giggle. “Bitte schön.”

Once we were done eating, it was time to head to where the speech was being held. I went through it with Kennedy again before he started and almost cried a bit during the speech. It was nice to know that I had someone on my side for once, considering everything seemed to be against me up until now.

Mr. Kennedy and Alfred had to make their way back to the Good Ol’ U. S. of A and I had to make my way back to the Communist capital of Germany, which depressed me deeply.

And it only worsened five months later when I got a call from Alfred, distressed and a wreck, that the president had been shot and that he was dead.

It was like a shock to the system. I was quiet for a moment, thinking about what was just said to me.

The political leader who had shown me the kindness and warmth that I needed in times like these was gone and there wasn’t anything I could do about it but cry on the phone with the country he left in his wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been a while, but I've been busy being depressed! Also, I know it's kind of awkward that I was writing as JFK but I uh, I needed something nice to happen to Elyse for once, even if I did take it away from her almost immediately haha. Anyway, next chapter should be up right after this one, and then it's probably gonna be a few months before I pump out another one, maybe, I dunno.


	6. 1969: Oben in Weltall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space exploration was finally a reality, and Alfred was over the moon– literally. Though his celebration was going to be a little overshadowed by Elyse's tearful over-the-phone confession.

It was July of 1969. I was doing my morning routine of drinking coffee heavily laced with vodka and having a cigarette while I did paperwork when my phone rang. Rolling my eyes, I answered it thinking it was Ivan.

"Beilschmidt speaking," I said curtly, taking another drag from my cigarette.

"El! Hey! God, it's been so long since we've talked— shit, sorry, this is Alfred. I've got some super exciting news!" The overexcited puppy of a man on the other side of the phone exclaimed.

My eyes widened slightly as I sat up in my shitty desk chair, putting out my cigarette for later. I looked over at the clock before looking back at my desk. "Mein Gott, Alfred. Isn't it 2 in the morning over there? What's the news?"

"Guess who just landed on the Goddamn moon. With actual people. My fuckin’ flag’s all the way up there!"

My eyes widened even further and I let out an incredulous laugh. "No way! Wirklich?" I asked. "Really? That's amazing! Y’know, I was honestly beginning to think we were going to beat you over there at first, but they just keep sending dogs into space and not getting anything done.” I rested the receiver between my ear and my shoulder as I shuffled some papers. “Anyway, I’m glad to hear that you guys made it to the moon! How does it feel?”

“I am on Cloud 9 right now, El, you have no idea,” he answered. I could hear the smile on his voice, which in turn made it impossible for the corners of my mouth not to turn up as well. “I’m honestly still processing it… we landed on the fuckin’ moon.”

I laughed softly. “Ja, you did. I’m proud of you,” I said, taking the receiver back into my hand. A beat of silence went by and I had a sudden realization that made me feel a little wary. “Well, once Ivan finds out about this, I’m sure he’s going to be absolutely livid.”

Alfred chuckled. “Yeah, probably. Serves the commie bastard right. How is it on your front, by the way?” he asked.

I hadn’t told Alfred about the situation with Ivan just yet, not wanting to worry him when he had his own problems that he was dealing with. Sure, it was a mess he himself caused, but it was a mess nonetheless and I didn’t want him to have to worry about my wellbeing while he had stressful things going on.

“I think I’ve annoyed Ivan enough for an eternity. He’s probably ready to get rid of me, but I’m pretty sure that’s my goal,” I joked, doodling slightly on one of the papers in front of me.

“You’re doin’ me proud, darlin’,” he said, grin very apparent in his tone.

“I’m glad. Now all I need is for this premier to kick the bucket and someone who isn’t a megalomaniac to take his place and I’ll be happy,” I sighed.

“You’ll be free before you know it, El, I’ll make sure of it. I’ll even kill Khrushchev with my bare hands if I have to,” Alfred joked– at least I think he was joking.

“Awww, you know just what to say to make a girl feel special, Alfred,” I giggled. “What a hero.”

“I’ll be your hero any day,” he said.

Wait, was he flirting? Was that what this was? I’m so glad he couldn’t see my face because it was hot and probably red and he would have just made it worse with that stupid face of his.

“I’ll have to hold you to that, Mr. Jones.”

“I hope you do, Miss Beilschmidt.”

I smiled a genuine smile, something I hadn’t done in months. There was something about the way he talked to me that made my heart want to leap out of my chest it was beating so fast. 

“Anyway, um, thank you for calling me and telling me about your big success today. It really made my day and I’m probably going to be in a really good mood until I have to deal with Ivan today,” I said. I twirled my hair around my fingers out of habit.

I was really glad he couldn’t see me so he couldn’t make fun of my tells.

“Anytime, El. Do you need me to take an emergency trip to Berlin so I can punch him in the face?” he asked, jokingly. Hopefully.

A sad smile made its way to my face. “That’d be wonderful, but I don’t think they’d let you in. They’ve been really restrictive lately, even with dignitaries. I would love nothing more than for you to whisk me away, though,” I admitted, sitting back in my office chair.

“Maybe I will one of these days,” he said, though it sounded more solemn than the beginning of our conversation.

“Hey, don’t get all sentimental on me, you’re supposed to be my ray of sunshine in this shit show of a mess I’ve landed in,” I teased, wanting to brighten the mood.

He laughed. “Oh, El. I miss you, y’know that? Like, it was nice to physically see you. Your smile, your overall energy, even in times of desperation you seem to somehow keep everything up.”

The smile that had been on my face had turned sad. “Oh stop it,” I chided playfully.

If only you knew how much of a wreck I was right now.

I looked at the clock to see that almost an hour had passed since we started talking, as we got distracted from the original reason he called in the first place. “Alfred, liebling, I’ve got to get back to work. I have a meeting in an hour or so and Ivan’s a real Arschgeige about punctuality, which is coming from a German, no less.”

“Yeah, you guys are sticklers for time, aren’t you?” he asked with a laugh. “Alright then, I guess I’ll let you go. But you let me know if you need anything, okay? I’ve got friends in high places.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Al. I’ll definitely let you know if I need anything.”

My day went what some would consider rough, but for me, it was pretty normal. Ivan was very much indeed pissed with the turn of events. Luckily I was spared from his path of destruction, even if I was closest to Alfred. I’m pretty sure he ended up using Elizabeta instead, which broke my heart.

He’d been getting worse day by day, especially with both the space thing and the impending doom that would befall all of us if either man-child decided to be trigger happy like they had so many times in the past few years, causing a scare for all of us.

Once I got home I had my usual dinner of toast, something hard to numb the pain, and a cigarette before working for another hour and then heading to bed. I prayed to Gott in Himmel to let me sleep peacefully, but I had a feeling the man upstairs had it in for me, so that was probably not going to happen.

___________________________ 

I woke up gasping for air in a cold sweat, the only light in the darkness was the light of the moon seeping through the one fucked up shade in my blinds. My hands met my face, rubbing it gently as to assuage the tears that were threatening to spill.

I’d had another nightmare, and I’ve been having them consistently since that first incident in 1961. They were mainly a replay of the first and second times… though this one was of the most recent. Out of sheer instinct, I bolted from my bed and made my way over to my study, my feet sticking slightly to the shitty flooring that usually creaked under my weight. My fingers moved all on their own, and before I even registered, I’d dialed and called Alfred’s number, receiver up to my ear already.

When he picked up I almost slammed the receiver back down, but I needed someone else to know. Someone else to understand my pain. “Hey, Alfred, um, it’s me Elyse,” I said, cringing at my shaky voice. “I’m sorry for calling you this late, I just… I needed someone to talk to.”

“Jesus, Elyse… What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he asked, very concerned. It was getting pretty late where he was, but he knew for sure it was even later over here.

His concern made me want to cry more than I had earlier. “N… no, everything is not okay,” I finally admitted. “I need someone… I need someone to know and right now you’re the only one I can think of to tell,” I said, running a hand through my sleep-tousled hair.

“Anything, El. Just let it out, I’m here for you.”

I took a deep breath. “Um, I… I’m having nightmares… but the nightmares are more like memories,” I divulged. “Ivan has been taking his aggression and anger out on me… sexually. And, and last time he did it, I think he was genuinely trying to see if he could kill me.”

My hand instinctively ghosted over my neck where his large hands were just days before, squeezing my windpipe shut. The bruises were already gone, but the memory was still there.

"I'm gonna kill 'im," he finally said in a hushed, harsh tone. "I'm gonna fuckin'... strangle him. Goddamn… Elyse, how long has this been going on?"

I swallowed my tears, not wanting to sob at him on the phone. "For about eight years," I said softly.

"Since he built the wall?"

"Ja."

I heard him sigh. "Is there any way I can get you out of there?" He asked, his tone a mix of concern and some frustration.

Thinking about my options made me depressed. It was hopeless. "I… I don't know. I'm locked in on all sides. He doesn't even let me past the wall anymore." My voice cracked a bit, the lump in my throat bubbling up with my tears.

"Nononono, don't cry, shhhh," Alfred cooed on the other line. "I'll figure something out. I will, I promise. I'll get you out of there."

It was too late, though, my tears had already started flowing. I wiped most of them away as they fell, but they just kept coming. It was as if a dam that I had been slowly building over the course of these eight years broke, all of my tears finally overflowed down my cheeks to the point where there was no point in wiping them away anymore.

“I just… I just want it to end…” I managed to croak out after my sobs became less frequent and I could get ahold of my breathing. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take… sometimes… sometimes I just wish he would dissolve me and get it over with–”

“Hey,” Alfred cut me off, he sounded a bit harsh which made me wince a bit. “That is no way to talk about yourself. We’re gonna get you through this even if I have to kill someone to get it done.”

I sniffled in response.

He sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you. But I need you to get ahold of yourself. You cannot, under any circumstances, let that man win. That’s what he wants. He wants to break you down until you feel like you have no choice but to accept the shitty hand you’ve been dealt. But a new dealer is about to divvy up a deck of whoop-ass and that dealer is you.”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at how stupid that analogy was, but it got me to stop sobbing like a baby. “You always know what to say to make a girl smile, even if it is something stupid like that,” I said, my voice hoarse from crying.

I heard him chuckle on the other end. “Well, that wasn’t the main goal but I’m glad you’re not crying anymore… It hurts me to even picture you like that. I don’t ever want to see you cry, let alone hear it.”

“Let’s hope the tears I cry in front of you are tears of joy, ja?” I said, blowing my nose so I could breathe.

“Yeah. Let’s hope so, El. Now, it’s pretty late over there. Get some rest, alright?”

“Alright… And thank you, for dealing with me.”

“It’s my pleasure, El. Goodnight.”

“Guten nacht.”

There was a bit of hesitation with hanging up, but eventually, I put the receiver down and let out a long, shaky sigh. With the rest of the energy I somehow had left, I made my way back to my bed and plopped into it, drifting off into a thankfully dreamless sleep, hoping to some higher power that I could get out of this as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one made me cry while writing it, not gonna lie. I hate torturing this poor girl, but it's a necessary evil when it comes to a character like Berlin. Anyway, this is probably gonna be the last chapter for now, I need to figure out what I'm gonna write from here. Probably when Hungary was like "mr. gorbachev can we pls have autonomy" and then ripped a whole ass hole in the iron curtain allowing for little miss Berlin to escape west. And then we can do 1989 and probably end it there. 
> 
> yeah, sounds like a good plan! i'm done torturing this poor baby.


End file.
